The gates are open

Royal Flush
Rumpé

A grandly overblown tournament of cards, chaos, trophies, bragging rights, and increasingly serious nonsense.

Enter the Big Top Read the legends

Current champion

Jamie Jackpot Dalley

Jamie “Jackpot” Dalley First repeat offender

Carnival of Cards - 21/11/2026★ The prize booth denies everything★ Average cats per event: 0.75★ Number of deaths: still 0★ Six performers, one needlessly important trophy★ The Queen remains under investigation★ Banana guns must be declared at the gate★ Andrew's biography remains classified★ All calculations remain subject to vibes★ Host advantage inquiry adjourned again★ The toilet-break hand will never be forgotten★ Shoulder cats admitted at their own discretion★ The Alder-Wilde Express is running suspiciously late★ One ranch awarded. Deeds still missing★ Four champions entered into legend★ Friendships currently intact★ Bring snacks. Distrust Queens★ Merchandise budget remains wildly disproportionate★

Carnival of Cards - 21/11/2026★ The prize booth denies everything★ Average cats per event: 0.75★ Number of deaths: still 0★ Six performers, one needlessly important trophy★ The Queen remains under investigation★ Banana guns must be declared at the gate★ Andrew's biography remains classified★ All calculations remain subject to vibes★ Host advantage inquiry adjourned again★ The toilet-break hand will never be forgotten★ Shoulder cats admitted at their own discretion★ The Alder-Wilde Express is running suspiciously late★ One ranch awarded. Deeds still missing★ Four champions entered into legend★ Friendships currently intact★ Bring snacks. Distrust Queens★ Merchandise budget remains wildly disproportionate★

Tonight at the showground

Choose your attraction

The Big Top

RFR V rumours, performers and forbidden knowledge.

Hall of Legends

Every event, every result and every heroic exaggeration.

Marvellous Performers

Six profiles, form guides and deeply biased files.

Dubious Numbers

Points, cats, deaths and evidence of host advantage.

Evidence Tent

Photographic proof that all of this actually happened.

The Cabinet of Rumpé Curiosities

Prizes, custom merch and priceless fake riches.

Rules Booth

Hand rankings, useful reminders and a printable rescue sheet.

Ticket Office

Admission papers and the route to your backstage file.

Statistic of dubious significance

0.75

Average cats per event

Royal Flush Rumpé III players at the Strictly Prohibited poker table — Actual scenes from Strictly Prohibited

Madame Rumpé Knows All

Receive a completely unregulated prediction about your RFR future.

The Lucky Dip

One photograph pulled at random from the RFR evidence archive. Context is neither promised nor recommended.

Pull the handle

A random moment from Royal Flush Rumpé — Evidence selected by fairground machinery

Established 2023

Four tournaments. Six friends. One trophy with a rapidly developing sense of importance.

Read the official story